One of the purposes of this blog is to write about one of the texts we are reading for the day. Sometimes, God’s Word leads me to a word study, a theological concept or doctrine, connects me with another place in scripture, or it just inspires me. Today, I was reading Matthew 20:20-23. Jesus encountered the mother of the sons of Zebedee. It kind of tickled me as I imagined the Zebedee brothers following behind their mother while she tells Jesus what she wants and then they expect to sit in the highest place of honor in Heaven. What an awkward scene. A preacher listening to a mother’s request and it is amazing that Jesus pretty much tells her “no.” He sets up a boundary and it doesn’t matter what some mother wants for her kids. Can you believe it? The Kingdom of God is more important and critical than what a mother wants? I don’t know why this resonates with me — maybe it is my own failure at setting limits with others. I am fascinated with Jesus’ skill at setting limits.
I find comfort in knowing that as a Christian it is all right to set limits. When someone is asking us to do something that is opposite of God’s plan and is not within the realm of our ability to provide, it is alright to say “no.” Jesus does not expect us to give in to unrealistic expectations. I feel better and I know why. Once upon a time, a mother came to me and told me to fix her adult son. He had strayed away from the church and she expected me to fix him, get a suit on him, “make him right with God,” and get him back in church. I felt bad and figured I was a terrible minister because I knew I did not have the power to fix him and I told her “no.” I set a limit and she was not happy. It was awkward. I offered prayer, visitation, counseling, but I could not promise to fix him the way she wanted, nor did I want to.
If Jesus is my friend wouldn’t he let my children sit at the left hand and right hand of God? I mean isn’t Jesus able to do anything? He is the Son of God! He is our Savior! He is all powerful! Why then doesn’t he give in to all of our requests? Why does Jesus set limits? Why does Jesus say, “no.” Maybe a better question is who in the world do we think we are to think we can fix everyone and everything? If Jesus sets limits, who are we to think we don’t have to? If Jesus lives within the limits of the Kingdom then why shouldn’t we? You know there is something holy and healing about boundaries! What do you think?
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One aspect of boundary setting that we seldom hear about is the need for us to set boundaries on ourselves as to our expectations of other people. This is true whether it’s secular expectations or religious expectations within a local congregation. If we’re not careful we do just like the Pharisees and set up our own rules in addition to what God expects, and then we expect everybody to live by our rules.
Alice, exactly! Not only do we need to set limits for the Kingdom in how we deal with others but we need to set some boundaries for ourselves. Matthew 7:5 calls us to take the speck out of our eye. One thing though, we become complacent not wanting to take the speck out of our own eye so it becomes the norm to not even try to deal with ourselves or others. If we really want to follow Jesus then are we not called to deal with ourselves and others. I think the Kingdom of God is about reconciliation with God, ourselves, and others. I think the rule of Satan is to deceive us into complacency and an attitude of just let it be. By the way my response is my own attempt to pull the speck out of my eye. I have a few in there that I am trying to clear up.
So Randy, where is the line between judging and setting a boundary?
Charles, you probably just asked the 64,000 dollar question. Simply, I think God’s Word sets the boundary. Jesus set the boundary with the mother of the Zebedee boys because she asked for something beyond the boundary. Jesus never goes outside these boundaries and that is why He is perfect. I guess, I don’t really equate judging with boundaries. I can’t be judging if I am within the boundaries of God. I guess judging happens when I go outside the boundaries and decide to do it my way or I distort God’s Word. Now, the world wants to turn this around because they don’t believe in God’s boundaries so the question of judging comes up. I confess, I fail at always knowing what is right. I know my motives and heart are not always pure. I often go outside God’s boundaries and judge unjustly and it is sin. This is why I need a Savior and I need the Holy Spirit to sanctify me. However, I absolutely do not believe God’s boundaries are judgmental. Judgment comes in when I transgress against His boundaries and cross over them. I think God’s boundaries are clear about murder. If I witness a man about to kill another person. I know it is wrong and so I made a just judgment. If I have the means and ability, I will intervene to stop it if all possible. However, it is not my responsibility to be the court judge, jury, and hangman. I can set boundaries via God’s Word (and I am not allowed to twist His Word out of context), e.g., a friend is going to go down to the store and steal some candy and invites me to join in. I set a boundary and say, “no.” He argues that I am judging him. I argue that God judges him when he crosses the boundary that God has setup for us not to steal and I’m just setting a boundary or staying within God’s boundary.